


she's not you

by leeinthesky



Category: New Amsterdam (TV 2018)
Genre: Canon Continuation, F/M, Fix-It of Sorts, Getting Together, HELEN LOVES MAX, Max loves Helen, big realizations, cause what the fuck was that, ending rewrite, he needs some people with sense around him, let max have friends, meh not really more of a, s2ep15 double blind, that's it I think, wait no, what is tagging
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-26
Updated: 2020-02-26
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:22:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22906177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leeinthesky/pseuds/leeinthesky
Summary: and when we're dancing it almost feels the samei've got to stop myself from whispering your nameshe even kisses me like you used to do and it's just breaking my heart'cause she's not youhe kisses her back. it isn't like what he expected at all.
Relationships: Max Goodwin/Helen Sharpe
Comments: 7
Kudos: 86





	she's not you

**Author's Note:**

> hi guys i wrote this in an hour because i HATED the ending of that episode. pls tell me you guys felt the same way !!!
> 
> title and lyrics from 'she's not you' by mister elvis presley
> 
> i don't own these nerds nbc pls don't sue me

he kisses her back. it isn't like what he expected at all.

in all honesty, max doesn’t really _know_ what he expected. fuller lips, maybe. softer. a smaller body, pressed tighter to his, and more familiar.

it’s _alice_ , and he knows her. she's really been there for him in the short time they’ve been hanging out under the guise of playdates for the girls. alice is nice. alice is talented. she can stop luna from crying in under thirty seconds. she’s got great taste in music. it can’t be alice. it can’t be the kiss either, because as far as kisses go, it’s pretty good. like, it’s fine. a kiss. but max just feels like there’s something missing.

it’s like middle school, his brain whispers to itself. like playing spin the bottle and kissing whoever it landed on without thinking.

okay, max thinks to himself as he closes his eyes and thinks about it some. what would he change? he lets his body lean into it and tries a little harder. still, just a fine kiss. is it him? he brings his hands up and lets them rest on the sides of alice’s face. nothing. her hands fist into his sweater tightly. _she’s_ enjoying herself.

max lets his mind wander a little more.

is there someone he would _rather_ be kissing? rihanna, his brain supplies helpfully. that cute guy on the subway this morning who had smiled at him for two seconds and he’d kinda fallen just a little in love with. helen.

wait, _what?_

max pulls away sharply with a gasp. alice is saying something to him, sounding worried but voice hushed, and he just barely remembers the babies sleeping in the next room.

‘max? max what’s wrong?’

‘nothing,’ he tries to reassure her, but it comes out ragged and much to urget. ‘nothing, i’m sorry, let’s just-’

‘max,’ alice says. she sounds like she does when she’s calming luna or bobbi, and that almost angers him. ‘max, calm down, _i’m_ sorry, i should have asked.’

‘no, it’s me,’ he says quickly. ‘i’m fine, i swear.’ 

now max has on his doctor voice, the one he puts on with his patients or when he needs to be detached, and he knows alice can tell. she sighs a little and max doesn’t know what to do with that. he takes a step forward to reassure her, _again_ , but his stupid foot hits one of luna’s stupid toys that helen- oh god- gave her, and it starts screaming the abc’s stupidly loud. of course that wakes one of the girls which wakes the other, and before max can move, alice is pushing him to sit on the couch and saying she’ll get them. 

being alone isn’t great for max’s thoughts. does he really want to kiss helen? had he really been imagining what it would be like? _had he been comparing alice to helen this whole time?_

short answer? yes. yes, he had. the long answer was much more complicated and had its roots in when georgia had still been alive, which is a can of worms that max _very much_ does not want to open. but thinking about it… it makes sense, doesn’t it? why he favors her at work. why he never stops thinking about her, even in the back of his mind. why he can’t stop his mouth from asking her to lunch or if she’s seen that new movie or heard that new album and does she want anything from the cafe? why he still looks across the table with a smirk at board meetings, expecting her but being disappointed when she’s not there. or even why his heart soars unexplainably when she all but ignores him for luna when they come knocking on her office door.

he’s so deep in his head that max doesn’t even realize the crying has stopped and alice is back until he feels her settle on the couch a respectful distance away. (ouch.)

‘sorry,’ he says again, sounding just a little pathetic.

‘max.’ exasperated. he knows that tone. ‘stop apologizing. i shouldn’t have just kissed you like that.’

he has to hold himself back from apologizing again. ‘okay.’

alice studies him for a minute. max tries not to fidget, but it’s like being caught and sent to the principal’s office.

‘there’s someone else,’ she finally whispers.

‘no,’ max insists. because there’s not. not really, anyways. helen is so far above him, so unattainable- trust max to fall for the people he can never have.

‘yes there is. max, stop lying to me. and to yourself. there is.’ alice picks at the edge of the frayed throw blanket. ‘i’ve seen it.’

max feels his eyes grow. ‘what?’ seen what?

she takes a deep breath. ‘you and doctor sharpe. the way you talk to each other. she moves, you move. it’s magnetic.’

he’s still confused out of his mind. ‘when?’

‘i stopped by the hospital one day. bobbi had a checkup,’ she admits. ‘i was gonna come see you for a minute; your assistant told me where to find you. i didn’t even make it to your office before i saw the two of you in some hallway. i mean, you guys were _literally_ standing in the middle of a crowded hallway, but you may as well have been totally alone. and god, max- the way she made you laugh! your whole face lit up.’

‘you make me laugh, too,’ max rushes to say, but obviously that’s not what she wants to hear.

‘not like that,’ alice shakes her head like it’s a lost cause. ‘you didn’t even notice me standing there, you were so focused on her. the funniest thing to me was that no one even reacted to it. they were used to it. i wondered, does everyone think they’re together? would they be surprised to hear you weren’t? it was so clear to me how you feel about her, so it must be to them.’ she laughs, but there’s no humor in it. ‘i was jealous. i’ll admit it. so… i kissed you. it was selfish. i’m sorry.’

with everything there is to process, all he can say is: ‘i didn’t know. i promise, i didn’t, or i wouldn’t have- i don’t know.’

‘i just want you to be happy.’

max doesn’t know if it’s better or worse that alice is being so nice about all of this. he probably wouldn’t be. but then again, he probably also wouldn’t kiss someone out of spite, or jealousy.

well- maybe. how many times had he wanted to kiss helen in front of akash panthaki without realizing it?

‘it’s never gonna happen anyways. she’s… well, she’s helen.’

‘are you serious?’ alice laughs again, and this time it’s lighthearted, and a little fond. ‘max, you must be crazy, or blind, or both. don’t you know she loves you too?’

there’s no air in the room. there mustn’t be, and that has to be why max suddenly feels like he’s drowning. ‘what? no- no, she doesn’t.’

alice cocks an eyebrow at him. ‘magnetism goes both ways. you attract one another. maybe she doesn’t know it yet, but she does. i saw how she looks at you.’

‘oh.’ it comes out a whisper, reverent and full of realization. ‘ _oh._ ’

she lets him gather his thoughts for a moment. ‘you need each other. and i don’t know her, but i know how you talk about her. she’s good for you. don’t screw this up, max goodwin, you hear me? you deserve to be happy.’

he can’t help his soft smile. ‘you do too. and thank you. for all of it. everything.’

‘even for kissing you?’ she jokes.

‘ _especially_ for that.’

as she and bobbi leave, alice kisses him on the cheek. ‘night, doctor. you’d better text your girl before anyone else tries to kiss her.’

and so the second he locks the door behind them, max whips out his phone. helen is just getting off her shift; she could be here in twenty minutes or less, and the text confirming just that comes through mere seconds after he sends the invite. he feels giddy. nervous. his stomach is in knots and he can’t stop rearranging the pillows on his couch. he answers on the first knock and is breathless when he sees helen, windswept, smiling, and beautiful.

he doesn’t even say anything. he _can’t_. he just kisses her, hard, and it’s exactly like he imagined it. soft lips. body pressed tight to his. and something else, something _more_. actually, it’s better than he imagined it.

‘hello,’ max whispers when they finally break apart. 

‘hi.’ helen sounds dazed. then something in her expression changes. ‘did something happen with alice? i won’t be your rebound, max.’

‘that’s just it.’ his voice is just a little too loudly. he’s astonished that this is it, this is what he’d been missing and it had been right in front of him the whole time. ‘there is no rebound, helen. there’s just you.’

her smile comes back. _radiant_ , his brain whispers. 

‘you really are something, max,’ helen sighs. and then she kisses him again.

it feels like a beginning. it feels like the start of everything and also the end. max and helen, eyes finally wide open, ready to face it all. 

and when she pulls back again, she takes one look at his face and says, ‘is there yam on your cheek?’

max laughs. _this_ is it.

**Author's Note:**

> what did you guys think? hated it? loved it? let me know in the comments and pls leave a kudos!!
> 
> come yell at me on tumblr, where im doctor-sharpe, or on twitter, where im @heiensharpe
> 
> like ya love ya okay bye!


End file.
